You have chosen....


But questions remain.

You've chosen us, but why should we choose you?

While you were waiting for this page to load, we analysed your system and did a background check on you personally.

We know your doubts, your confusion, your credit rating....

You think, 'sure, I'll read a little more about this PACKET DIDDLER thing; it's not like I have to give them my credit card number or anything

We already know your credit card number.


With a package as good as this, however, we can't sell it to just anyone. What if you used it for ill? BUZZ has spent his life on the run from Freemasons, fellow travellers and their acolytes; purveyors of the lies that make people like you doubt that you truly need the PACKET DIDDLER.

We know that the dark forces would love to use you as the instrument by which they got their corroded fingers on the real PACKET DIDDLER. With the genuine article in hand, they could turn the technology against all true believers; perhaps by making a knockoff poisonous version that will cause you to break out in hideous scabies if you use it.

You must liberate yourself from previous patterns of thinking. They are not yours.


Your first step must be to admit that you are not.

Henceforth, your journeys through the Web will be tracked from a central computer whose location we would be fools to reveal. Suffice it to say that we will see what sites you visit and how you navigate through them; and we will read your e-mail as well, until we are satisfied that you have achieved the requisite level of DIDDLER consciousness.

Then and only then, following consultations with Buzz Jackson, the secret link will be opened up and you will travel into the brave new realm.

Rigorous mental discipline will enhance your ability to choose wisely. Repeat the following mantra to yourself several hundred times a day. Be sure to say it audibly, lest your Masonic programming subvert your thoughts even as they form:

Am I radish?

Am I rock?

I must have the IT DIDDLER

Though I am unworthy

Buzz Jackson is the sum of all things

This is the first link of the rest of your life
This sucks. I want to learn more about Michael Bolton
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