National News

                          Last updated by The Fredonian Press (FP)
                                    at 0:55 on August 2, 1998, EDT.
                   A Spider Fungus Was Growing on His Legs
 BETTERLAND (FP) - A municipal botanist was shocked to discover
an unusual spider fungus growing on his legs earlier today. His doctor referred
him to the municipality's burgeoning Excellence Promotion division, which
fixed the problem without any difficulties at all. The relieved botanist said,
"Excellence is a Way of Life in the Municipality of Betterland."
The good folks at Excellence Promotion agreed wholeheartedly, and much
laughter ensued.